When panic hits home

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I always try to provide you with extra information, and if I can with an expert opinion.

Coincidentally this time I am your expert.

Not on The Responder or Martin Freeman but on panic attacks.

Which makes me a real bitch ( again sorry for the curse words) when it comes to panic performances.

I am the most critical lunatic on the planet, and yes I'm allowed to call myself that, because if you take yourself too serious after 30 years of mental health struggle you will end up thinking how much meds are needed to get a final result.

I have been there! More than once!

Mental health issues of any kind are still not properly accepted in society.

" Come on, its just in your head". " Put yourself together ". " Its only mental, its your choice".

Over 700.000 suicides per year worldwide, and we sill need to fight for acceptance.  

Living with panic attacks drives you up and down the wall, and if you add depression to your list, it turns living into just existing.

To be perfectly honest with you, writing about it is not my favourite thing to do, but for once I take the very fragile right to allow myself an opinion on Mr. Freeman's performance that is not based on audience views or personal preferences but real life experiences.

 

I hate seeing actors or actresses doing panic attacks on screen.

Why?

Because they do not get it right!

Nine out of ten actors or actresses doing it wrong, simply by mostly totally cook the situation to death and deliver a completely over the top performance.  

With this in mind I was almost scared to see the first panic issue of Chris Carson, and again I am overly critical on this matter, so my next sentences are not coming from a biased fan, but from a person who deals with this shit ( not apologizing this time) on a daily basis for thirty years.

 But let me tell this first:

I had to stop watching several times during The Responder run, because Mr. Freeman's way to show panic hit home!

Which is sadly the biggest compliment I am able to give because of my long term relationship with my difficult mind.

What it really sells is the silent suffering during his day and nights, and during the attacks itself.

So many people think, that a person with a panic attack is loud and crazy, and you just need to look at them, and you know there is something wrong.

Well, that is not how it works most of the time.

We are not running around like crazy, and if you dealing with this for a while you getting perfect in hiding your problems, which is certainly not the best thing to do, but it keeps you from answering too many questions in moments when you need all your concentration not to black out.

I was once sitting in front of a therapist and had an attack that lasted 20 minutes and she didn't realise it.

I know how to hide feelings.

And that was exactly my problem with former representations of panic and anxiety,  because they are loud and most people think we do a lot of running, and uncontrolled noises.

Our whole world is reduced to the wish of surviving this, to stay alive, and no this is not exaggeration.

But because of this, we don't do much noises or running, because we need all our energy for breathing and regain focus.

You learn very early on, that breathing is your biggest enemy and your strongest tool, when panic hits, you automatically start breathing all wrong, because out of nothing you feel like you are dying.

You start feeling weak and dizzy, all your muscles turn into jelly ( which makes the running impossible) and the shaking only suggests that there is a " real" physical issue like a stroke or a heart attack.

And no matter how often you have to deal with these attacks, you will always think that there is a life treating problem, simply because the moment the panic raises or starts like a firecracker , the rational part of your brain goes on holiday.

   Which means Mr. Freeman does this to perfection!

He is completely focused on the attack, yet tries enormously hard to get his breathing and with it the situation under control.

Because what he feel is mortal agony!

The world is closing in on you, and there are those noises in your head that makes it difficult to realise what's happening in the world outside your head.

Because during an attack nothing really feels real, not your mind, not your body and the world seems to be an illusion.

All rational thinking has left you, and once it over which could take five minutes or eight hours , but once you are able to think straight, you hate yourself for giving in again.

For not trying harder and for being such a wreck.

None of this is true but it only increases the misery of your situation.

I can't have enough praise for Mr.Freeman and the fact that he gives panic attacks a reality check and with it a true sense of understanding.

He gave people with panic and anxiety the face of normality, because that kind of crisis can happen to all of us, and we are not that crazy men and women who show extreme behaviour.

Trust me, fighting for life doesn't need screaming.

Last thing that needs praise and mentioning is this:

👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇

In almost every situation but only when no one can see him, he closes his eyes and breathe.

He tries to stay calm, tries to focus and by controlling his breathing he gives himself the illusion he has everything under control.

Closing your eyes, breath in and out and connect yourself with reality, or try to stay calm.

There are countless reasons for doing this and I'm doing this right now because writing about it, always works like a trigger.

But I do this in general, countless times a day.

It's part of my existence, and therefore it is no longer a decision but moreover a subconscious move.

And this is exactly what Chris does every day!

I'll stop myself here because this was the only blog article that hadn't been fun writing, but it was absolutely necessary.

Martin Freeman gave my silent suffering a voice and I'm damn grateful for it.

And please let me end with another outstanding moment 

There is this one poignant scene and the brilliance of it, is a testimony to Freeman's immense talent and the director of the episode.

Chris sitting in his car screaming, but you don't hear a single noise.

That's how it feels sometimes.

We scream but nobody seems to hear us!

For questions and suggestions or to chat please contact me: sabsigb7@yahoo.com