To sleep...perchance to dream...thoughts on S2Ep4 Spoiler!

 Yes to quote Hamlet is a bit over the top, I am aware, but I couldn't resist, because a man in the need of sleep...and even to dream a little is the overall tone of Chris Carson in episode four.

I also apologise for putting way too many pictures in the post, but I really need to show you what I mean, when I tell you that I have never seen a man so exhausted.

And that's why I might understand some of his moves...

I stated this in almost every Responder post, so this one will be no exception.

I adore the cast!

Especially in this season Adelayo Adedayo aka Rachel Hargreaves steals the show from all other female players, in my humble opinion.

There are always one or two people in a cast full of greats, you adore more than others.

That's not because of preferences, but for character reasons.

There is one character that never reached my soul, and therefore her or his ( not telling you) plot line is not so gripping for me , while Rachel for example is close to my heart as a character, and the fantastic acting by Ms. Adedayo ads up to it.

Like Mr. Freeman, she is even better than before, I didn't think that would he possible with these two talents, but they put brilliance to a whole new level.

But this is The Freemaniac blog, and I love an honest performance, so me the audience member will be honest as well.

Of course, my focus is on Chris Carson, and this season even more than last season, because I think Martin Freeman set new standards with this season.

I agree with so many people, that his performance does something to you.

It is so extremely heavy and emotional, that sometimes I have problems coming back from it.

Getting back into reality is hard, after watching an episode.

And isn't that the absolute best thing that could happen to an audience?

Alright, time to talk about exhaustion and frustration.

But at first, another bravo for Chris Carson for being a really great colleague.

Of course, there was trouble back at the station, but once again the man tried his best, and for me it was good enough...remember:)

But the rest of the episode is centred around a man who is finally no longer able to stand on his feet.

It doesn't help, that he is once again on the run, because you know Franny is not amused.

So that means a change of plans, when he actually wanted to show Tilly her communion dress.

The atmosphere filled with happy exciting little girl anticipation, turns very quickly into Tilly's biggest outburst to date.

She is disappointed and lashes out, the way only children can, cruel and honest.

She accuses Chris of always messing up, and on top she let's him know, that his flat stinks, and she wants her dress at her Mum's where it is clean and obviously it smells better there too.

It's an outburst all children have now and then, but in their situation it is only another cherry on the cake full of shit and problems for Chris Carson.

He strikes back, which a father has to do, there are boundaries, but the result is a daughter who leaves the car without saying goodbye.

And boy, that hurts.

Tilly wasn't even lying in her tantrum, because his living arrangement is horrible ( as I pointed out last time) and you don't have to be clairvoyant to see that soon she will not come to visit her father, because she will be embarrassed.

That's not correct, but human, especially for a child who runs straight to puberty, and vividly remember the better days she had with her father.

So Chris cannot go home, because Franny's people are after him, so almost through the whole episode he tries to find a place to sleep, just a bit, for a little while.

He sleeps in his car, no he tries to sleeps in his car... and you can see how exhausted he is, but the journey continues.

He even knocks on Jodie's door, and she lets him in, and allows him to skip on her couch, and when he lies down he mumbles to himself " " Fuckin hell, that's nice" and that did it for me.

I cried. For the first time during the episode.

Yes, there were more tears.

A man who lies fully clothed on a couch and thinks this is nice, is heartbreaking.

A man who a few month ago, had a family, a house and a bed.

The unbelievably quickly way downhill made me so sad, because I can relate to this.

I can relate to the financial struggle, to the constant exhaustion to the point where you can't simply take it anymore.

But no such luck....

And of course Jodie set him up.

Mrs. I'm trying to be the new boss set him up!

Argh....

Luckily he's exhausted still cleverer than Jodie so....bye... ( I not so secretly love Jodie though)

All he wants is a tiny little bit of peace and quiet.

 Next stop where he tries to get that...

Tom Carson's house.

For sure, not an easy decision and one prove how much he lowered his pride, but he gets a rejection from Rachel, and even I understand that she's trying to sort her stuff out, and that is definitely important but seeing him getting rejected by her, made me sad and incredibly furious.

He saved her ass! And that's a fact!

He was there in minutes when she needed him, and had no one.

Yes, he brought trouble to her door, but this is The second time, he risked his job for her, and that's the payback.

Fuck no!

Why is this man so fucking alone in this world ?

Tom agrees, but is his friendly self.

But to be fair, Chris doesn't give him much of a chance.

But instead of sleep Chris is surprised with two incredibly important conversations.

And so are we!

The first one is about to happen when the phone rings once more while Chris is trying so hard to get some sleep in the room upstairs.

Not easy with constant noise coming from an old man, who shouts at the telly.

But the once again disturbance is a chance for Carson to notice an old picture of him.

Hidden in a spare room.

A lack of understanding is spreading inside Chris, and from his point of view, it's getting weirder.

Downstairs and ready to leave, Tom suddenly turns into a caring Dad, who wants Chris to eat supper first, and when he refuses he seems honestly concerned.

Which brings Chris to ask about the picture of him in " the spare room"

" I put that in your room "

" The back room ?" 

" Yes, your room !" 

Tom says this with such emphasis, that you know what is coming next.

A real talk between father and son.

The long overdue conversation, and for us a question on right and wrong, and hate and forgiveness.

I don't have to tell you, what these two men are able to do, because we have seen it for decade.

But Tom and Chris Carson are a class of their own!

They get a separate goodbye post, because they deserve all the recognition.

We see two men with two very different perception of the past.

Chris still convinced that his Dad never wanted him around, and Tom telling him " his truth"

And in this moment, which is a surely a demonstration of Mr. Hill's incredible way to show his craft, but in this very moment I felt sorry for Tom.

Yes, he was an abuser, an alcoholic, and probably responsible for a lot of mental baggage that is a weight on Chris shoulders, but in this very moment I felt so close to him.

He wanted Chris around, and he begged his Mum to let him come.

Chris reaction is a mixture of astonishment,  and it seems he not really knows how to react, and as an almost logical consequence, he lashes out.

" I wouldn't have wanted to come anyway "

Of fuck, Chris....come on..please!

And just before Chris makes another attempt to leave there is an almost tender like lecture and the questions, how often Tilly is seeing her father, and how often she stayed over in Chris flat since the split up ?

Sometimes the truth hurts!

And especially when there is this one little sentence that has more weight than anything else Tom has ever said before:

" I was ashamed " 

 This tiny little moment of honesty, let some barriers melt away inside the son that Chris Carson still is.

And once again Martin Freeman showed another moment of magnificence, that matches Bernard Hill's performance and reactions to sheer brilliance.

Chris says nothing!

A long moment we even cannot see his face, and yet we know he's close to crying and when we see his face again, we see all the pain, all the suffering and the wish of a little boy, that everything will be alright in the end, very much aware that it is decades too late.

But guess what..

Chris ate his supper in the end.

And I can't remember the last time , when I was so ridiculously happy to see a running microwave.

I told you that my highlights include two in my opinion very meaningful conversations, and the next and last one is the exchange between Chris and Franny.

Like I have said above, I will be honest with you.

Chris, Tom and Franny are for me the absolute highlights of the season.

Again, the whole cast is superb, and every performance big or small are a joy to watch, and every role is marvelously played.

But these three men reach my mind, heart and soul for very different reasons, and I almost long to see more and more of them.

And I'm more than happy to repeat my words from a few days ago:

Adam Nagaitis is a huge talent!

We meet " good cop and bad cop" in a clean, nice and relaxing flat, with a great view.

There must be a bed in there too..

Franny as a realtor...somehow.

The flat is a great catch penny, an attraction to lure Chris into a deal.

Or isn't it?

Franny shows honesty but remains to be nicely creepy, and the whole situation is awkward yet interesting, and made me realise one thing:

This conversation wouldn't have been possible a few months earlier.

Chris would have never agreed to even stay for a conversation.

But his world has changed, and I am agree a tiny little bit with Franny that Chris likes the thrill.

Not the mess, but a well sorted and slightly mad thrill.

But we shouldn't forget how incredibly exhausted this man is.

He is not just tired, at least not a tiredness that can be cured with an eight hours sleep.

It's a mental exhaustion, that is more than understandable and acceptable to a certain degree, and that includes the decision that is lurking under the surface the minute they started talking.

More than six months this man is hunted, by criminals, his colleagues, his wife, and most of all by himself.

I'm not saying that he is innocent, or not responsible, of course he is, but that doesn't mean he has not the right to feel bone-tired.

We all have our own limits of resilience, and it is more than obvious that Chris Carson has reached his level of capacity.

And that makes me sad, because I root for him.

Even if I shouldn't, but I was secretly hoping for him to take the proposal Franny is offering him in a dangerously sweet way.

And when his slightly hesitant, but still determined no came, I caught myself sighing.

Which says a lot about me, and my attitude towards criminals obviously.

But how worse could it be?

All I want for Chris is a little bit of comfort and what we call living instead of existing.

Every dog on the streets lives a better life, than this exhausted soul.

But good old Franny makes his final move, by putting the keys right into Chris hands, and beside the fact that I was shamelessly smiling, I also witnessed the hesitation was melting away, but Chris still managed a no.

But again kudos to Franny..

Oh God I shouldn't say that.

"Honestly Chris, I just want you to sleep.

You look like shit " 

And we are in!

The chance of a real bed, with clean sheets and comfortable pillows, and nothing but sleep.

And of course l, Franny let him know that the mattress alone cost 2 grand.

Always good to know that every everything has a price.

The expression on his face is still breaking my last piece of resistance against any arrangements with Franny, whatever that means for the future.

Just think about it, Chris.

But first sleep.

A therapist once told me:

If you are drowning in the sea, you take the first lifeboat that comes your way.

You are not sending one away, just because you don't like the colour of the boat.

I'm not making excuses here, but I don't swing myself on a high horse either.

Good night, Chris.

And yes, for once..

Fuck off, Casey.

Fuck off, world.

Sweet dreams!

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