Hello Dad....

 SPOILER WARNING S2 EP1!

I was absolutely thrilled when news reached the audience that Mr. Bernard Hill will be part of The Responder S2.

And I kept my fingers crossed for him being the father of Chris Carson, because I had already pictures in my mind.

And a dream came true!

Sadly it turned out to be Mr. Hill's last role.

But I'm glad to see him in the role I was hoping for, and therefore you will read more about Tom and Chris Carson here.

Not out of sentiment, but because we see two heavyweights of acting, and together they create something so very special.

Chris meets the shadow from his past.

The moment Chris heard the address on the police traffic, and you witness his whole posture change , I started praying that now will be THE moment!

Chris Carson is going to meet his Dad.

In other families that wouldn't be worth mentioning, but we learned early on in the last season, that Chris biggest fear is to turn into his Dad, and that the shadow of his father still haunting him.

So meeting him now is probably one of the biggest steps, but it seems to me Chris doesn't know yet where the way will lead him.

The man who was a nothing more than a thorn in the flesh of Chris Carson for many years, is now sitting in front of him.

Old, ill,and not dangerous anymore..

But there is still a strange sublte aggressiveness around him, that makes you feel uncomfortable.

The whole situation is uncomfortable, and it is more like two strangers who have to play family for a crazy director.

And it seems Tom Carson is not a man of reflection and for admitting faults, because for him it seems natural not to put up pictures of his son, because " he left ".

Yes, obviously Chris and his mother left an aggressive and violent man.

Is it normal that we idealise the past to make ourselves looking better in it?

It seems that's exactly what Tom does.

There are these two men, the son a father himself now, ready to do absolutely anything for his daughter, and an old man who still sees no fault in his behaviour.

It is so obvious that there is so much left to talk about, but it seems an impossible task, and so Chris is about to leave when Tom decides to say something meaningful, but it couldn't have been more wrong!

" I loved you "

You holding your breath for a second, because even the audience know this had been the wrong thing to say, and we are so right.

It was the sentence that put Chris over the edge.

And back is the bottled up rage, not as strongly as before, and I was wondering if this is the result of group therapy or the fact that Chris is still slightly afraid of his father.

But " I love you" coming from a man, who maybe beat you and your mother into a pulp more than once is worth some rage.

Because the fact that Tom really believed and still  believes this is love is indeed outrageous.

And we get a clearer picture of the man Chris is so afraid he could become, because there is aggressiveness in Chris, there is the wish to let it out, but opposite to his father he never layed a hand on either Kate or Tilly, but how difficult is it for him to control himself that way?

Chris leaves after he called Tom out, and I was secretly hoping for a quick return.

We won't be disappointed but so surprised.

Our favorite broken hero is about to sink deeper into a moral abyss.

To our amazement we find him back at his father's house, real quickly, trying to have an actual conversation.

Offering to make his Dad tea, and you even could label the chat polite...in a way.

" There is cake" is probably a Tom Carson way to say:  " I'm happy to see you again ".

What I have found a mixture of sentimental feelings and uncomfortable emotions, turned into utter shock when we follow Chris into his father's kitchen, still thinking there will be some real talk to clean the air.

But the next moment I found myself actually screaming in front of the tv:

" Fuck no, Chris no, no, no..."

Instead of a man trying to get a little bit of inner peace back by having an actual conversation, we see a boy stealing money from his father.

I have seen Chris dealing, misappropriate money and drugs, getting involved in all kind of shit, but him standing there filching his Dad's cash like a little boy, and even put a bit of it back in the sugar basin to pretend that makes it more bearable is one of the hardest scenes I have ever watched.

I understand his motives!

He wants to make his little girl happy, he wants to be the father she imagines he is, all this is absolutely plausible, and yet this scene left me emotionally drained.

He could have stolen it from anyone else, and I would have still made up excuses for him, but stealing from Tom hurt me.

Not because of the money.

Not because of Tom.

But for Chris.

In this very moment Chris burried the last piece of self-esteem and I mourn this last bit.