About fear, punches and a shoulder to lean on..the story of Luke and Paul

" Fathers have a lot to do, to make up for having sons" 

 To start with a quote from Friedrich Nietsche is a tad bold, but sometimes our poets and thinkers are not so far off.

But before I continue I would like to thank safedistancefrombeingsmart for not only letting me use her incredible Gifs, but also created some especially for me, and this blog post. It is highly appreciated, and I am sure you will love them as much as I do.

Back to Nietsche and the fact that having sons might bring you a whole different problems to face, than dealing with daughters.

A brilliant example of how pproblematic a relationship can be between fathers and sons are Paul and Luke Worsley.

I can honestly tell you, that these two difficult people are by far my favourite characters in the series Breeders.

I love them both, maybe because they are so complex and human.

They are both super human, and no other scenes had me at the edge of my seat in such intensity.

The relationship between Luke and Paul, turned the series quite quickly from a comedy into a show.

I was never really an advocate of calling Breeders a sitcom or a comedy.

In my opinion, this series is not made for stereotypes, it is way too complex, too funny, too sad, too aggressive, too lovingly, too clever....

Shall I go on?

Probably not!

Sometimes it seems that Paul is actually two fathers.

One for Ava and another one for Luke.

With Ava we see the perfect Dad!

Yes, I mean it!

With Ava he is kind, patient, sweet and an incredibly loving father.

That's why I would never say that Paul Worsley is a bad father per se.

Not at all!

But there is more than one moment, when I thought " No Paul, that's is one big mistake after another, and you only making it worse".

And I also think, if this family would exist in the reality, then Paul Worsley need to seek professional help, but he is neither a bad person nor a bad father.

Maybe I love Paul because I had a similar Dad, and had the same issues like Luke.

Paul is impatient and has a temper.

Oh boy his fucking temper..

Having a temper is not generally a bad thing, but when you have a son who is overly sensitive, than a man with a temper turns into an aggressor.

I am not in the position to judge, this article is not judging Paul or Luke or my Dad who was a lot like Paul.

I am not judging Mr.Freeman either, I am aware that his honest opinion and stand on parenthood, brought some " woke know it all experts " in the arena.

People who will find injustice in everything, and judge anyone and anything, and criticize every opinion except their own.

I believe everyone who starts judging people freely, should make sure to get their own house in order first.

I can relate to some of Mr. Freeman's opinions on parenthood, because I don't believe in some new invented parenthood rules.

I agree that you cannot discuss with a two year old, and in my case I wouldn't even try.

I am an aunty by heart, have been more than once in life, and by now I have three children in my life from three different parents, which means A. I witness three different ways to raise kids, and B. They have an age range from 2 to 21 years.

And here is the thing:

I never discussed with toddlers, and sometimes I made the rules when I was in charge.

What I say goes. End of story.

Otherwise I would have been just the tallest person in the house.

Children needs rules, they need the feeling that someone is in control.

And yes, I absolutely yelled at them.

All three of them, more than once, and I even made them cry, because I have a temper myself and weak nerves.

And here is another thing: I never tried to be their friend.

I was and I am the much older adult, who helped to raise them.

I would catch a bullet for these kids, but 

I was never afraid to make mistakes, yell or tell them what to do if necessary.

And guess what:

All three are still in my life, because they want to be! 

The smaller ones still telling me that they love me on a regular basis, and the one who is an adult herself now, comes to me for a heart to heart or advice seeking or just to have fun.

And this is why Paul Worsley is not a bad father in general, because he does a lot of things right, and we see later that it will pay off.

But before both Paul and Luke, get their reward, there is a lot of obstacles in the way.

Please forgive me, to drag another personal episode in this article, but I was like Luke, and had a bit of a Paul like Dad, so I can tell you a story:)

Luke is a very sensitive and anxious child, who later turned into a anxious teenager and an anxious adult.

This is not something , you can take off easily, like a raincoat.

It's a character treat, and not a very pleasant one to deal with, not for yourself and not for others.

For Paul it seems especially difficult, and obviously that's more of a father's thing.

Maybe because Paul is insecure himself, and compensates this with rage, who knows...

Because when my anxiety journey started, the relationship with my Dad changed drastically, and it took years before we actually found a new basis, and like Luke and Paul it turned out to be wonderful, but unfortunately my Dad died soon after we became really close.

It seemed that my anxiety made my Dad totally helpless, and that made him impatient and aggressive, which made me even more anxious.

A spiral of hell...

And Paul seems to be the same, it looks like he's not able to handle his overly anxious son, and that makes Luke even mare stressed and Paul even more aggressive.

Paul is so patient and kind with Ava, and they have a wonderful connection, a thing that is of course great to see, but for Luke it is surely confusing and painful.

It is never easy to see how easy everything is for a sibling, while you can't get your life and thoughts under control.

And of course it gets worse.

Puberty is never a walk in the park, but with a son like Luke and a father like Paul , it's gonna be a ride with the devil.

The tension in the Worsley household is stretched to a breaking point, and when Paul and Luke reach this point, it will affect the whole family.

I'm not here to defend Paul Worsley, I already told you that I love the character, but that doesn't mean I have to agree with everything he says and does.

This would be ridiculous, but you can disagree or even hate a certain thing a person does, without demonizing them completely.

Trust me, I know that first hand.

The way Paul changes in Luke presence,made me extremely uncomfortable.

Luke a sometimes unbearable mixture of fear and normal adolescence issues, needs more patience than a parent can give, but Paul has zero patience, and like so many parents, he might have forgotten that he had been an annoying child on the way to manhood himself, and let's face it, Paul is still quite annoying now and then.

When Luke refuses to go to school, because he is afraid and faces mobbing, is Paul the one who reacts with a lack of understanding, and wants him to go back to school.

And seeing this as a rational approach, there is nothing wrong with it, but the problem is that a person who is full of fear doesn't need a rational approach.

They need to be flooded with love and understanding, but Paul too often only provides yelling and lack of comprehension.

So much yelling...

The more Paul yells, the more insecure Luke becomes, and therefore he makes even more mistakes, because he feels uncertain and upset in the presence of him father.

Once again, I do not say  that Paul isn't a bad father, or that he's should have never become a parent in the first place.

That would he insane, but there are times when a situation or a person brings out the worse in ourselves, like when you are in a relationship, and said relationship is in a crisis.

That doesn't mean, you are not capable of having a loving partnership, but for now, you are not able to stop things from getting worse.

And boy, things go the drain so immensely, that for the first time in my life as an audience member, I was actually startled while watching a scene in a " comedy " show.

This extremely difficult to watch development, ais a result of long built up rage in Luke Worsley.

A rage I can relate to and he has my full support on the rage front, because especially in this episode where the scene takes place, I had the strong urge to kick Paul Worsley in the balls.

I am terribly sorry, if that sounds crude and vulgar, but I really do not know how to describe my wish to grab Paul by the shoulders, and tell him that this is not the way it works.

And we see later, that this is indeed not the way into Luke's heart, but the moment when things changes forever..

And nothing I could write now, would have more meaning to it, than seeing the scene so let's revisit the most important and yet most awful split second in the life of Paul Worsley!

THE PUNCH! 

The biggest "Oh my God" scene in the entire series.

And the wake up call for Paul!

Before we move on to the consequences of that outburst, please let me say how absolutely impressive this scene was played by Alex Eastwood and Martin Freeman.

This scene could have easily gone either way.

It shows a teenager who finally explodes in an outburst of rage and anger towards his impatient father, who on top exposed him in front of the entire family.

It could be a seen where a stubborn teenager lashes out, and a father who got what he deserved.

We could have thought that a teenager is not allowed to behave like this, because he needed to show some respect.

Or we could take his side, and see that Paul finally got the kick he so clearly needed.

But in my case, none of these things happened, all I felt was sadness and the awareness that in this moment something broke inside the Worsley family, and that there will always be a before and after from now on.

Alex Eastwood managed the rage and the refusal so brilliantly, he never turned this into " a teenage tantrum " but into serious desperation.

And after he ran off, we witnessed another incredible moment of the expression game of Martin Freeman.

And I say this with respect and admiration, because he is on top of this game, in fact he us the master!

From the punch to the end of the episode, he speaks not a single word, but we understand it all!

And he turned my feelings upside down in seconds.

The awareness that he let things go so incredibly wrong, and the sadness of the situation is so visible that's it hurt me physically.

All of a sudden all strength has left him, and he is the most loneliest person in Greater London.

And I suffered from a similar experience, I felt so sorry for him and all I wanted was telling him that everything is going to be alright, perfectly aware I would lie to him, but all the anger about his rage and the confrontation in front of the whole family has left me, and all I've got left was sympathy and sadness.

The aftershocks are indeed hurtful to see, and while separating Luke and Paul for a while is certainly a very mature decision, it is also agonising how being away from his own family breaks Paul every day a bit more, especially when he sees over the home cameras how much fun they having without him.

The only sweet glimmer of hope is Ava, and her own pain in missing her Dad so much, and she is able to tell him exactly that, and once again we see a loving Dad, who is bursting with tenderness.

The crisis increases daily, and I wondered more than once how the Worsley clan will ever get back to normal, or how they will create a new normality for them.

But luckily another incident happens, and as much as I can relate and feel with Paul when it comes to back pain, his illness and the aftermath is the necessary change in the relationship between Luke and Paul.

Paul still yells way too much, but he is able to apologise, Luke is able to forgive and he is the best son when it comes to caring for his father and listening to him, when no else does.

On the organ hand Paul trusts Luke, and treats him more like a young adult, and is guidance and support for Luke and his issues.

It is the most beautiful thing to see, and gives the audience the much nnecessary healing.

Finally a father who respects his son, and a son who is able to see his father in a different light.

Step by step, we see these two developing a completely new relationship, and suddenly there is love, trust, and laughter.

They creating a bond between an adult and a youngster, and this is not playing best friends.

There are still father and son, and that is in my opinion the way it should be, but they are seen to care for each other, and spending real quality time together.

This is how you create memories, you will always remember! 

And this bond is so strong, that when years later Luke becomes a Dad himself, Paul is his most important confidant.

He is the one he comes to, in times of crisis and doubts, and Paul never judges him, but is by his side in absolute every situation.

When Luke is convinced that he is not a man, but a helpless child, it is Paul who takes matters in his hands, and not only gives him the much needed encouragement, but shows him in action how to be a father.

The moment with Daddy Luke, Grandpa Paul, and the newborn baby in the hospital is one of the most loving moments ever seen on telly.

And Paul is there when Luke is losing patience, and the history of parenthood repeats itself.

We all losing it now and then, and maybe we will only really understand it, when we are in the same situation we once criticised 

Paul holding Luke, when he is at his wits end, is so incredibly profound and important, and again Mr. Freeman manages the situation without a single word, he stands there, understanding, loving but most of all in control of the situation.

Paul is a rock for Luke in this very moment, and that is exactly what he needs, and these are the things you remember as a child when you look back one day.

Not the impatience or the yelling, no you will remember the times when you could count on your father, no matter what!

This is what matters in the end, and only this is what stays with you, because in this moment Paul is a living role model and the perfect Dad.

He is Luke's anchor as much as my Dad was one for me, in times of adversity.

Thank you, Paul.

Thanks Dad...wherever you are.